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Feelings Feelings Feelings - Christian Forums
Will I ever be excited again I wonder.
I have had many ups and downs since I hit full blown ocd 8 years ago.
It has always been centered on whether I'm saved or not.
I usually go through a bad time but then something is said or clicks and I get excited thinking I'm really saved.
This last bout I've been through has lasted longer than normal and it seems there are no more answers that make a difference to me.
It seems I am not spiking right now but I'm so out of it spiritually that I can't get excited about anything spiritually (or unspiritual either).
There are times where it doesn't feel like I care anymore about christian things and that bothers me.
I would love to want to pray and read the Bible but none of that seems to excite me anymore.
I even have negative feelings go through my mind when someone talks about godly things and it causes me to almost shiver about feeling that way.
I know I used to enjoy singing and things like that but now it seems like there is nothing there.
No desire like I used to have.
How concerned should I be over these feelings and will they pass or is this me really feeling like this.
Be honest with me and let me know.
Please respond if you can.
Your friend
James
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Oh James I really feel for you...it sounds like you're in a really horrible place right now!
There are times when I hate my feelings...but no feelings can be frightening as well!
I'm no expert but from what I have experienced and gleaned along the way I think sometimes the brain has just had enough of firing on too many cylinders and things can shut down sometimes.
I remember a period several years back when I think I had burnout, related to trying to give more than I was able to.
I remember seeing a friend really upset and I felt nothing, apart from feeling bad that I felt nothing...I had nothing left to give and left my other friend to deal with it whilst I stuck the kettle on.
One lady said it's as if I'd met one need to many.
I think in regard to OCD it's maybe having one spike too many.
Maybe it's the brain's way of protecting us...it's like when people have horrific physical injuries they may not allways feel the full pain at the time...I could be wrong but doesn't the body produce endorphins that help block the pain?
I think the brain can do something similar.
It's like when someone loses someone and they worry cos they can't feel anything...they just feel numb.
That numbness, that lack of feeling and emotion doesn't mean they didn't love the person who's died, it just means they are too much in shock to fully experience the reality of the situation.
Sorry if that all sounds a bit waffly.
I know for me there are times when I've been concerned cos I just feel like the thoughts are all real and yet I don't get huge anxiety, just a sense of deep sadness.
It's scary cos we're told the anxiety shows it's OCD but sometimes that anxiety can be like a hurricane when you hit the eye of the storm...you can see it raging all around you but for a while you are switched off to the horrible, tormenting, grinding anxiety.
If my salvation was based on how excited I get about it all then I'm doomed...I rarely feel excited any more...struggle with worship, prayer and reading the bible a lot of the time and often feel like God is ready to whap me round the back of the head.
Someone who heads up a charity in Britain that I used to work for said something like this and it has really stuck with me..."I'm not a Christian cos it makes me feel good, I'm a Christian cos I believe it's true!" I wonder sometimes if God is even more pleased with someone's tormented attempt at worship than with someone who can leap around praising Him cos they feel wonderful...a bit like the widows mite in the bible.
Please know that regardless of how you feel it would seem to me that you obviously still want to be a Christian or else you wouldn't have posted your request for help.
When you're suffering from a mental health problem it can really affect your ability to be all that you want to as a Christian...just as someone with a broken leg wouldn't be able to do all they would like to.
Thankfully, God didn't call us to feel good or to feel excited or to feel spiritual...He called us to turn to Him, repent and love Him and others.
Jesus promised us many troubles in this world...and the great part is He didn't then say so go and overcome the world...He took responsibility for that part and said He had overcome the world Himself!
Sorry...I really hope none of that has sounded preachy or patronising...I truly do feel for you cos I know how I myself have felt and still do feel...if only I could take on board all I've said above but somehow it seems so hard to do that for yourself.
I feeling right makes you a Christian then I'm not one...I think sometimes it's the church that can demand a false smile from us...a demand that God would never burden us with!
I really hope you get some relief from this soon...I pray God will give you some glimmer of hope to hold onto...and that He will give you certainty within yourself despite what the OCD is doing.
I pray He'll give you a peace that is present even when the anxiety is raging...take care...Rachel
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Originally Posted by kicker Will I ever be excited again I wonder.
I have had many ups and downs since I hit full blown ocd 8 years ago.
It has always been centered on whether I'm saved or not.
I usually go through a bad time but then something is said or clicks and I get excited thinking I'm really saved.
This last bout I've been through has lasted longer than normal and it seems there are no more answers that make a difference to me.
It seems I am not spiking right now but I'm so out of it spiritually that I can't get excited about anything spiritually (or unspiritual either).
There are times where it doesn't feel like I care anymore about christian things and that bothers me.
I would love to want to pray and read the Bible but none of that seems to excite me anymore.
I even have negative feelings go through my mind when someone talks about godly things and it causes me to almost shiver about feeling that way.
I know I used to enjoy singing and things like that but now it seems like there is nothing there.
No desire like I used to have.
How concerned should I be over these feelings and will they pass or is this me really feeling like this.
Be honest with me and let me know.
Please respond if you can.
Your friend
James James what you describe i have read in testimonies from christian authors writing years ago..
Then it was called melancholy , and was and is more typical than you might think..
OCD and other mental illnesses are very draining ...
Honestly i battle so much from mine that im just so tired that i cannot think straight sometimes ...
i think that the negative feelings are both a product of the illness and also just a product of frustration..
There is something i cannot talk about because it will spike me but let me say that last week i came very close to have a psychotic episode , and when this has happened in the past reality is no longer reality , i say this because in a very real sense there is a simililarity to what these illness 's do to our perception.
And you may have heard that there is no reality only perception, in the subjective sense that is for the most part true not in the objective sense, but in the subjective sense ..
So when subjectively we percieve things to be what they are not ,we react accordingly..
So when you and i and others like us experience these things regardless of where we are spiritualy speaking we often see things in tunnel vision.
tunnel vision is like walking around blind folded and having a liar describe what is in reality around you ..
forgive me for rambling ...
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I'm going through the exact same thing.
Seriously, I could have written what you just wrote.
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